SO, about 9 months ago I started an entry here that I never published… and just deleted. The decision to go to grad school in the Netherlands seemed to be an easy one but as it is so, it was NOT. Exhausting details aside I ended up denying the opportunity and convinced myself that brighter days and another, better,opportunity would find me. It’s inexplicable how it feels to go from feeling uneasy in the world w/ plenty of thoughts but nowhere to place them, to having a comfortable plan you think is set in stone, to going back to feeling uneasy and even less aligned with your world and all of the people in it. In two words: IT SUCKS. Much has occurred in the last 9 months that I am very grateful for mostly, my travel opportunities have kept me physically and emotionally afloat although the financial damage is another story. I was prepared for that though and I only have myself to “blame” for the credit card debt that galavanting around Europe will continue to cost me… experiences are priceless. I gained new perspectives, met wonderful people, and spent some R&R time with myself.
Now I am back stateside and I must admit the older and more experienced I get the easier these transitions are. The smaller the world has become in my mind the easier it is for me to sit still… if that makes sense. Dreaming and planning future adventures with the intention and conviction that I will make them happen is comfort in and of itself. I do know something, and I said it last year and had no intention to go against it, but I am definitely over solo-travel. I do love it but being alone with my thoughts is only healthy for so long! I think “home” more so describes people rather than places and I truly await the day (and hope it awaits me!) when I am able to experience some of my adventures with a loved-one by my side… the opportunity to take “home” with me wherever I go and happen to be.
Speaking of doing things solo, here I go again! In the latter part of this summer I will be making a big move to the east coast, Vermont to be specific; Brattleboro, VT to be even more specific. What do I know about Vermont? It’s claim to fame is maple syrup and beyond that I know zilch, nada, nothiiiiiing. There are few things that terrify me: sharks, self-mutilation annnnd that’s pretty much it, until now. As of yesterday, I am TERRIFIED to make this move. Why? Well I guess it’s a mixture of things: the unknown regarding Vermont (small town? scary woods?), the winter and all that comes with it, and being so far from my family at this particular time in my life in a place I’d never imagined myself before. All of these things in small increments seem great and novel but I will be LIVING this life, E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y. On the other hand I am ridiculously excited; this is what I wanted. Grad school with a perfectly-fit program? AWESOME. I think the proper adjective for my state would be anxious, haha… go figure… me? anxious? nahhhhh… ;p
TBC…
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